Excuses

Hi. My name is Brandy and I have a food addiction problem. That should be the first step to recovery, right? Well, I've known for a long, long time that I have this problem and it hasn't really helped me recover yet or even made me feel like I was a step closer to dealing with it. I. Love. Food. I can't help it. I love the way it tastes and I love that it comforts me when I am anxious, stressed and sad. A little over a year ago is when I fell off the wagon of my best attempt yet at weight loss. The pounds were dropping and I felt and looked a LOT better. What happened?? Well, a lot of things.

But they are all excuses.

I chose to stop logging my calories because I knew I was going over the number and I was ashamed to face it. I chose to run a half marathon and then stop rigorously training for it halfway in, which I could attribute to Shane's changed work schedule (even though it's better for us in the long run). I chose to continue to eat all of those "running calories" that I was burning. I was under a lot of stress and I succumbed to my fall back addiction to food. The why's are all unimportant because they are all excuses. I did this to my self. I sabotaged my weight loss.

Now, I am sabotaging my fitness level. Yes, I am running all of these races, but I don't think I have to point out that my times are getting slower and slower. Why? Again, excuses, but here they are: I ran a half marathon with no water for the last 6 miles. Was that my fault? No. However, if I had continued my training and conditioning schedule, I could have run it at a faster pace and maybe gotten to the water stations before they ran out of water. I also really hurt my foot at the half. I have recently learned that I managed to develop plantar faciitis. Now that I (finally) know what it is, I have been icing and taping my foot pretty much non-stop. It's slowly getting better, but it has affected my walking AND running (and pretty much everything that involves standing on my feet). It also doesn't help that I stand on my feet at work all day, sometimes for 12 hours.

I'm not sure how I got to this point and I'm having a hard time pulling out of it. I haven't gained a lot of the weight back, but I have lost ALL of the muscle tone that I had developed. The worse it gets, the more I just want to quit and the thought of quitting makes me go for the only thing that makes me feel better...eating.

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