Excuses

Hi. My name is Brandy and I have a food addiction problem. That should be the first step to recovery, right? Well, I've known for a long, long time that I have this problem and it hasn't really helped me recover yet or even made me feel like I was a step closer to dealing with it. I. Love. Food. I can't help it. I love the way it tastes and I love that it comforts me when I am anxious, stressed and sad. A little over a year ago is when I fell off the wagon of my best attempt yet at weight loss. The pounds were dropping and I felt and looked a LOT better. What happened?? Well, a lot of things.

But they are all excuses.

I chose to stop logging my calories because I knew I was going over the number and I was ashamed to face it. I chose to run a half marathon and then stop rigorously training for it halfway in, which I could attribute to Shane's changed work schedule (even though it's better for us in the long run). I chose to continue to eat all of those "running calories" that I was burning. I was under a lot of stress and I succumbed to my fall back addiction to food. The why's are all unimportant because they are all excuses. I did this to my self. I sabotaged my weight loss.

Now, I am sabotaging my fitness level. Yes, I am running all of these races, but I don't think I have to point out that my times are getting slower and slower. Why? Again, excuses, but here they are: I ran a half marathon with no water for the last 6 miles. Was that my fault? No. However, if I had continued my training and conditioning schedule, I could have run it at a faster pace and maybe gotten to the water stations before they ran out of water. I also really hurt my foot at the half. I have recently learned that I managed to develop plantar faciitis. Now that I (finally) know what it is, I have been icing and taping my foot pretty much non-stop. It's slowly getting better, but it has affected my walking AND running (and pretty much everything that involves standing on my feet). It also doesn't help that I stand on my feet at work all day, sometimes for 12 hours.

I'm not sure how I got to this point and I'm having a hard time pulling out of it. I haven't gained a lot of the weight back, but I have lost ALL of the muscle tone that I had developed. The worse it gets, the more I just want to quit and the thought of quitting makes me go for the only thing that makes me feel better...eating.

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The Area 13.1 Alien Half Marathon

I'd like to start by saying, "I did it!" I finished my first half marathon. 13.1 miles on these feet of mine. Was it easy? Not even remotely. Will I do it again? Ask me in a year. Do I now want to run a full marathon? Not. On. Your. Life.

I started my day with intestinal distress. I have stress issues as it is and serious stress does ugly things to me. Atleast I don't have panic attacks anymore! Either way, I woke up and had oatmeal for breakfast and spent the morning with the kids. I took Gabriel with me to the grocery store around noon to buy groceries for the next couple of weeks. It was there that the day started getting rough. As we were walking to the car, he stopped abruptly and I didn't see him. I was wearing flip flops and I ran my little toe right into the back of his shoe!!! OMG...the pain. I swear I jammed it right there. It hurt SO bad, but it wasn't bruised or swollen. We made it home and I put up groceries and made some lunch. I wanted this meal to be something that would last for the duration of the race without causing me further distress, so I settled on a PB&J on whole wheat. I would like to mention that I don't like PB&J, but I thought it was a pretty safe bet, so I ate it. After lunch, I got everything together and got dressed for the race.

The race was in Roswell Georgia, about an hour from my house and there were 2100 people running in it, so I got there pretty early to ensure I had a close place to park. I did get a pretty good spot. I was meeting my friend and co-runner, Jessica at the race and she got there right after me. My mother also came to cheer me on. While we were waiting for the race to start, we played some games and checked out the booths of free stuff. I ended up winning a water bottle and scoring some free Muscle Milk, a fruity drink, some coconut water and a Sugar Free Red Bull. Not too shabby! About 30 minutes before it was time to head over to the starting line, we decided to stop for a potty break.

Here I am waiting for the bathroom

After that, we lined up for the start of the race. We went pretty far to the back and got a little bit behind the "Finish in 2:30" pace keeper. There were a LOT of people in front of us. So, after what seemed like an eternity, the race began. We started out at a light jog and went around all of the people going slower in front of us. We got to the first mile in no time. The first water table was supposed to be at 1.5 miles, but it was right there at the first mile marker. We had a cup of water and continued on. We were jog/walking our way through the next mile. Mile 3 was a hill, so that was no fun, but mile 4 was flat, even though it was a dirt road (full of potholes). The first water/aid station was at mile 4. I missed the water, but went for the next cup of what I thought was Gatorade. I have no idea what it was, but it wasn't Gatorade. And that was the beginning of our demise. 

The next water station was around mile 5.5, only when we got there, they were OUT OF WATER! Talk about dragging down your morale. We hadn't had water in about 4 miles because what we got at the last table wasn't water and now we had to stick it out until mile 7. I can honestly say that we slowed down considerably at this point, but we managed to make it to the 7th mile, where there was water.

I've never been so happy to have water up to this point!

So, we're off again. We were able to start jogging again and making up some time after the water. We were going at a pretty good pace. There was another water table a little past 8 miles and we had water there. After mile 8, it seemed to take FOREVER to reach the next mile marker and even see the turn around point. I had my GPS watch on, so I had a pretty good idea of how much farther we had to go. Around mile 9, it started to rain on us. Jessica was running in glasses, which got pretty wet and she was power walking at that point. My feet were really starting to hurt and I didn't want to keep slowing her down, so I just let her go ahead of me. That was the last I saw of her until the finish line. Almost to mile 10, there was supposed to be another water/aid station. It was also at the top of a hill. On my way up the hill, there was a guy going down telling everyone that they were out of water. Talk about devastating! I had just gone 2 miles since the last cup of water and now I would have to go 2 more without it. That's 4 more miles without water. My feet were killing me and I was starting to get dizzy and sore. I jogged a little bit more, trying to catch up with Jessica, but I couldn't see her anywhere. Also, they had already taken down the spotlights lighting the trail and it was pitch black dark outside. (By this point it was 9pm) I could barely make out people in front and behind me, let alone the pavement I was walking on. 

When I finally got to mile 11.5, there was a final water station. No, they were not out of water. Instead, they were out of cups! That's right. No water again. By the time I started drawing near the 13th mile, I tried to jog, only to have my calf muscles spasm and cramp SO bad that I was physically unable to run. In fact, I could barely walk. Everyone on the sidelines kept encouraging me to make a strong finish by running across the finish line, but I just couldn't do it. I ended up missing my "goal time" by 15 minutes, but I did cross the finish line within the allotted time frame, so I did get a finisher's medal. 

After the race, I had to spend some time in the first aid tent because when I crossed the finish line, my lips had turned purple. They had me sit and drink some water and I felt better after a while. After the race was over, we went to IHOP and I had some chocolate milk and a cheese steak sandwich and some fries. 

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely proud of myself for finishing a half marathon. I do think, however, if I had been properly hydrated, I would have been less fatigued and I would have made excellent time. In the future, I will have on a hydration belt and not be dependent on the race itself to provide me with water. 

This is me crossing the finish line. Do I look defeated, or what?

So, how did I finish off? Well, in my age category (30-34) I placed 198/214. Overall, I placed 1655/2100. I finished in 3:16 at a 14:59 pace. For my first half marathon, I really didn't do that poorly, I just feel a little disappointed that I didn't meet my goal and that I know I could have finished a lot stronger.

I had to go to work today after a night of restless sleep. My toes kept cramping. Also, during the race, the friction on my triceps rubbing against my shirt caused a chaffing rash that hurt like hell (still does). When I looked at my foot today, the little toe is swollen up to twice it's size, the area going up my foot is black and blue and the inside edge of my toe is purple. I spent the majority of the day with ice packs on both feet. As soon as I end this post, I am going to soak in an Epsom Salt bath of warm water. I plan on taking a week or two to recover and then I will go back to running no more than 3 miles, but that is a discussion for tomorrow!

Some Days You Just Aren't With It

Today was one of those days. I think my sub conscience is trying to tell me that it's OK to take more than the scheduled amount of time off after my long runs. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. I took yesterday off. Tonight, it was me and the treadmill and an easy a 3 mile run. I should really be used to these by now since I have been basically running this distance at least twice a week for the last 2 months. You would think it's a breeze. Not the case. The only good thing that came from this run was that I maintained around a 12 minute mile. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to maintain that throughout the half, but if I can get close, it will be great! (It means I won't be out there for the full 3.5 hours!!)

I'm really glad that I took yesterday off. The 5 mile run on Saturday really tore up my stomach. In fact, my stomach has pain and (other) issues after every long run. I did some research on it (of course) and the conclusions are divided. There is a condition called "runner's trot" which accounts for having issues mostly during running, which I don't have. Some people claim IBS and some say it's the lack of blood flow to the stomach. Some people theorize that it is what you eat, some say it's when. The important thing is that I figure out what is causing it and how to stop it before I am miserable every Saturday and Sunday for the next 11 weeks!!

Oh, I finished A Discovery of Witches. It was wonderful great AMAZING!! I haven't loved a book that much in a long, long time. It was devoid of all the teen angst that I have been reading as of late. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend you do so. I really wanted to just crawl into the book and be with the characters. So, of course, I have started the second book, Shadow of Night. It's made me a little bit unhappy, but I think it will work itself out and I'm sure it's because there is a certain character that I already dislike. I should really try to pace myself with this one since it hasn't even been released yet and the third book probably won't be out for at least another year. Ehh...who am I kidding? I'll probably tear right through this one as well!

Next Up...

Last night after I published my post, I downloaded City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare to my Nook and started reading it. Not sure if you recall, but I wasn't thrilled with the way the previous book, City of Fallen Angels, ended. I am, however, hopeful that this book will put me back on track to happyville. I'm about 7 chapters in and, so far, still unhappy with the way the story is going. I understand that this is a young adult novel and that teenagers thrive on drama, (I'm not so old that I don't remember being one) but, come on!!! I actually didn't have a problem putting it down to fall asleep last night, which is the opposite of what happened when I read the first four books. I will keep you posted as to my thoughts for however long it takes me to finish it. It's roughly 350 pages and I'm a little over a hundred.

We went to the pizza restaurant for lunch today. I read in an article recently that I should avoid pizza until after the race, but it didn't say why. So, after I look up the reasoning, I may try to stay away from pizza for the next 12 weeks. I can't think of a single reason why that would be, though.

Since I had to write endlessly about my knees hurting while training for the 5k, I fear that I shall do the same with my hamstring pain. It still hurts!!! I'm hoping that with some stretching tonight and tomorrow and then a soak in some Epsom salts later, it will be ok during my walk tomorrow morning. It has to be ready for Tuesday's run. It's a 3 miler and it's nothing I'm not used to doing.

Hamstrung

I'm going to start this post with the story I didn't tell yesterday. It was National Kite Day and every year Gabriel's school celebrates by going to the park across the street and flying kites. It's always a fun event. Almost all of the parents take off and we bring a picnic lunch and blankets to sit on. It is a nice, relaxing time to socialize and let the kids play. Gabriel didn't start out by flying his kite. In fact, he played on the playground until almost everyone had left for the day and then he decided to fly his kite. It was actually great timing because he could keep it up for a pretty good stretch (Wednesday was not so windy).

See? It's up in the sky. I was so impressed!!

Since we had such a good day yesterday, we decided to take the kids to the local froyo shop. I ate more than I usually do, but it was super yummy and a lot less calories than DQ.

This morning, as planned, I had a parent-teacher conference at the school. We actually arrived at the school before any of the teachers did, so we waited around a bit. It's nice to hear how your child is doing academically because you never really get to see that side of your child. Aside from some attention issues and a recent string of behavioral issues, he is doing great super FANTASTIC in his school work. He seems to be very math-minded. That should make things interesting for me, because I am more language arts-minded (not that I have a hard time with math, it's just not my favorite thing). He is more than ready for Kindergarten and perhaps even first grade.

That being said, let's move on to the rest of my day. I stand 99.99% of the day at work. That is no fun when you've hurt your hamstring. I mostly hobbled about today. I'm going to read up on some stretches that might make it better. I iced the muscle yesterday after the treadmill and then, later, I took a hot bath, but it still hurts a lot. I really, really need this to feel better by next Tuesday when I start running again. I am aiming for Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday runs with Saturday being both outside and the "long" run for the week. This Saturday, I am going for a walk. I don't know how long it will be, but I hope it's a nice one.

Oh, one last thing. We had some cameras on sale at work today in the clearance bin, so I bought a mini digital keychain camera. I am hoping that I can take more pictures to throw up here on the blog. I figure it will be easier if I always have a camera with me. I'm not guaranteeing that they will be high-quality pictures, but it beats none at all and it means that I don't have to run with my nice camera and risk it getting lost or broken. 

Tomorrow is the last pizza lunch for Gabriel's school, so at least I will have pizza eating out of my system until August, which is perfect for the half training!!

Finding My Motivation

Before tonight (just a little while ago), I have not run since Saturday. I also have not stopped eating like a starving person. 

I figured out that the half marathon is in 13 weeks. I am planning to do Hal Higdon's 12 week training program, so I really have to kick it into gear by next week! I thought I would start tonight by doing 3 miles on the treadmill. Things started out really great! I actually ran 1.75 miles without stopping to walk a single time and my breathing was perfectly normal. Let me start by saying that I only made it to 2 miles total. Around 1.75 miles, my knee started hurting a little and I was really sweating, so I decided to slow down and walk 1/10th of a mile and then start running again for the remainder of the distance. Bad idea! As soon as I turned the speed down, my legs felt like they were made of jello and that same muscle in my right leg that runs up the back of your thigh up into the glut area started feeling like it was cramping up (almost like a charlie horse in your upper thigh). I decided then that I could only make it to 2 miles and even that was pushing it. I am not completely bummed, however, because I did, at least, work out and burn some calories tonight. We won't mention the bowl of frozen yogurt I had earlier today.

I have been doing some research for my training and I know that I am supposed to eat a diet consisting of 65% complex carbs for the duration of my training. The fun part will be finding recipes and incorporating that into my eating habits. I don't know what I have eaten recently that has caused these sugar cravings, but I have really been snacking on the sweets lately.

This is going to end up being a short blog post because I have a crazy amount of laundry to fold and then take another shower and go to bed early. I have to be at Gabriel's school half an hour early for the year end parent-teacher conference and I have a hard time making it on time on a regular day!! At least tomorrow  is pizza lunch day so I don't have to make his lunch. I will post something longer tomorrow!