Excuses

Hi. My name is Brandy and I have a food addiction problem. That should be the first step to recovery, right? Well, I've known for a long, long time that I have this problem and it hasn't really helped me recover yet or even made me feel like I was a step closer to dealing with it. I. Love. Food. I can't help it. I love the way it tastes and I love that it comforts me when I am anxious, stressed and sad. A little over a year ago is when I fell off the wagon of my best attempt yet at weight loss. The pounds were dropping and I felt and looked a LOT better. What happened?? Well, a lot of things.

But they are all excuses.

I chose to stop logging my calories because I knew I was going over the number and I was ashamed to face it. I chose to run a half marathon and then stop rigorously training for it halfway in, which I could attribute to Shane's changed work schedule (even though it's better for us in the long run). I chose to continue to eat all of those "running calories" that I was burning. I was under a lot of stress and I succumbed to my fall back addiction to food. The why's are all unimportant because they are all excuses. I did this to my self. I sabotaged my weight loss.

Now, I am sabotaging my fitness level. Yes, I am running all of these races, but I don't think I have to point out that my times are getting slower and slower. Why? Again, excuses, but here they are: I ran a half marathon with no water for the last 6 miles. Was that my fault? No. However, if I had continued my training and conditioning schedule, I could have run it at a faster pace and maybe gotten to the water stations before they ran out of water. I also really hurt my foot at the half. I have recently learned that I managed to develop plantar faciitis. Now that I (finally) know what it is, I have been icing and taping my foot pretty much non-stop. It's slowly getting better, but it has affected my walking AND running (and pretty much everything that involves standing on my feet). It also doesn't help that I stand on my feet at work all day, sometimes for 12 hours.

I'm not sure how I got to this point and I'm having a hard time pulling out of it. I haven't gained a lot of the weight back, but I have lost ALL of the muscle tone that I had developed. The worse it gets, the more I just want to quit and the thought of quitting makes me go for the only thing that makes me feel better...eating.

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Friendly Lunch and a Monsoon

I've been pretty busy lately. Not with anything in particular, just busy days cram-packed full of either work or home stuff to do. I will be a more consistent blogger, I swear!!

Thursday, I had lunch at a brand new Olive Garden with my bestie. I had a great time chatting and catching up and it was nice to finally have some "girl time." We hardly ever see each other anymore and that kinda bums me out. The food was pretty tasty, too! We had an appetizer of spinach artichoke dip (which came out as an entree) and the all-you-can-eat soup, salad and breadsticks (which came out as the appetizer). I learned that the gnocchi soup is pretty tasty (like a very thin chicken and dumplings), but I still like the pasta y fagiolli the best!

That evening, we had plans to meet some friends at Stone Mountain Park to take in the laser show. The weather as of late has been fairly rainy torrential in the evenings, so we were hoping for the best. Once we arrived, everything looked promising.

We brought a tent to set up on the lawn because there are usually a ton of bees swarming the grass in front of the carving. That ended up being the best idea EVER!! The afternoon went splendidly. The kids played with bubbles and we threw frisbees and played and danced. The laser show doesn't start until 9:30pm (to guarantee darkness). At 8:50pm, it started to sprinkle. Then, it started to pour. Everyone was running off the lawn to get to shelter. A few people brought tarps and were standing under those on the lawn. But WE had a tent!!! Ohhhh yeah! All 8 of us piled in, hoping it would soon pass. It let up long enough to enjoy about 5 minutes of fireworks, but the laser show was cancelled.

See? No rain. It lasted about 5 minutes before it started up again.

Of course, by the time we got confirmation that the show was cancelled, it started to pour again. The guys had to pack up the tent in the pouring rain while the kids and us ladies went to guest services to obtain rain checks. Despite the weather and the lack of lasers, we actually had a lot of fun! 

I'm still reading The Graveyard Book. I haven't really had time to dig in to it. (Haha! Unintentional Pun). Maybe this weekend.

Tomorrow's agenda? I'm baking cheesecake brownies for my boss's birthday and I am going to go for a 9 or 10 mile run (assuming the weather agrees). Not too much longer before the half!!

Too Much Time At Home

I hate not posting anything. It makes me feel like an irresponsible blogger. Therefore, although I have nothing to say, I shall blog. Be it short or rambly...here it is!

I've been cooped up in the house with the kids since Saturday and it drives me INSANE!!! I've actually had a headache the past couple of days and all I've done is snack on food when I shouldn't. Bad idea. It's been so hot outside that I can't really go out and do anything and I get frustrated at the kiddie pool because a) water costs money and b) there is not a level spot in our entire yard! It makes me wish we had a downstairs deck so that it would be on level ground. Either way, we haven't done anything and it's been taking it's toll on us.

If you look above it, you can catch a glimpse of the Abby cat!

I did get crafty yesterday and made the kids a "race track" out of masking tape stuck to the carpet in the living room. Gabriel really enjoyed it for a while. I can't take the credit for being that resourceful, it was an idea I snagged off of Pinterest a while back. I have been meaning to do it for forever, but kept forgetting until desperation pulled it up to the surface of my mind!

It's not hard-backed like my last one, but it's cute!

                                                                            I also made an impulse buy at Wal-Mart. I had to stop and get some dishwasher detergent and some white vinegar. (I use it to make my own cleaning agents) Everyone should know that July is when new planners come out in the stores. I have a serious planner obsession and I have yet to make it all the way through a planner without purchasing a new one. This year is apparently no different. I saw it and knew I had to have it! So, I spent some time today filling it out when the kids had pushed me to my mental limits. It's a love/hate kinda thing, though. I almost ALWAYS need to look back at something that happened months ago and when I change planners, that makes life difficult.

I go back to work tomorrow afternoon (yay)! I really need the time out of the house. What I really, really need to do is get my butt on that treadmill and run 3 miles. Maybe I can get that in tomorrow. Crunch time is upon me. A little over a month and a half until the half marathon.

Back Home Again

We made it back home. We packed up this morning and then drove to the Krispy Kreme in town so that the kids could watch the doughnuts go down the conveyor belt (they loved it). Then, we set off. It was a slightly different course than the one we took down since we were starting in a different part of the city, but we still made really good time despite stopping for gas and a potty break.

I am happy to be home, yet sad for my time off to end. I cleaned up the house before we left, so it was clean (for us) when we got home. The cats were all ok. My friend, Jenni, stopped by to check on them every day for us and to shove Prednisone tablets down Toby's throat. When we got here, I unpacked our clothes (which were all clean due to doing laundry yesterday) and put them away! I even put away clothes that I didn't have a chance to put away before we left, so I call that a win-win!

Unfortunately for Shane, he had to come home and then go (pretty much) straight to work for the night. I have to work tomorrow, so life picks right up where it left off for us. Also, I plan on completing a 3 mile run on the treadmill tomorrow, so even that aspect of life shall have to pick back up. There was enough room in my training schedule to allow for a week off (not ideal), but not any more, so it's crunch time!!

It's rough to be on vacation if you are staying at someone else's house, especially with 2 small children. It will take my system a little while to "detox" from all of the food we don't normally eat and the crazy amounts of sugar I have consumed for the past 4 days. I am, however, looking forward to taking a nice, warm (not hot because I am sunburned) shower and then climbing into my (own) cozy bed. If I play my cards right, I might be able to squeeze in 10-11 hours of sleep tonight!!

Calorie Control (Or Lack Thereof)

I know one of my earlier posts was about eating and eating and eating. I was blaming it on hormones and I'm pretty sure that was the case. However, I am going through some time right now where I am just eating WAY over my calories and very, very poorly. Not to be excuse girl, but I think I know why. Eating is comfort for me. I won't really say that it makes me feel better necessarily, but it is certainly something I do when I am stressed.

We are finally wrapping things up with the insurance company with the car. Hopefully that will all be done by next week. In the meantime, the POS Corolla has cost us a crap ton of money. First, it was getting it to pass emissions only to have the light turn on the next day again (thank God it passed before that). Then, it was a broken axle. We just got it out of the shop for that today and now it needs new tires because of the wear from the axle. I really, really, REALLY hate putting money into this car because I know we aren't going to get that out of it if we can ever sell it. At the same time, we can't not have 2 cars and the insurance money will not cover a different car in much better condition than this one. So, that is stress number 1.

I would be lying to say that I'm not nervous about the 5K tomorrow. I don't know why. It's the same thing I've been doing, just with a LOT more people!! I'll actually be glad to get it over with. I think my caloric intake will be more controlled when I can work out again without worrying about it affecting my legs. I know that with proper conditioning, I will be able to not worry about them at all, but if a couple of Zumba exercises can put me in a bad way, I think I'll stick to just running until after the half marathon in August.

Last stress is August (and I don't mean the half, but I'm sure when the time comes I will be stressed about it, too!). Both of the kids will be in school and it is going to cost us a small fortune. Basically, if the hubby doesn't get a better paying different job by then, we will exhaust our savings trying to keep up with everything, and I know even it won't sustain us for long.

I think maybe I'm liking the running right now because when I run, I focus so hard on getting to the distance I need in the time I'd like, that I just don't think about anything else. I know that my problems are small compared to a LOT of people, but it's hard not feel like they are just as big or bigger.

Sorry to be a Debby Downer tonight, but those are the thoughts floating around in my head and I need to get them out. I will post ASAP about the race tomorrow (hopefully with pictures)!

Nom Nom Nom!!!

OMG!!! I can't seem to stop eating today!! I am so far over my calorie intake that I was almost ashamed to log them! I know this is due to a hormonal flare, but sheesh! I never eat as much as I have eaten the last 2 days!

Speaking of eating, I get to go and have muffins with Gabriel at school tomorrow and then I am going for my last solo run before Saturday. I have been itching to run, so I hope it's good. I plan on taking my camera so that I can take some pictures while I'm on the walk intervals. I plan to have those up in tomorrow's blog entry.

I finally bought cupcake wrappers tonight, so I can finally bake the "Death by Oreo" cupcakes for Gabriel's teachers in honor of teacher appreciation week. I hope they enjoy them!

Well, sorry this is so short, but I've worked a lot in the past 2 days and I'm tired. I'm off for the next 2 days, so I should have plenty to say tomorrow!!